| I have a new favorite song. |
[Nov. 27th, 2007|08:58 pm] |
Comfortably Numb (live) Roger Waters and Van Morrison. Featured in The Departed.
Words cannot express how awsome it is. Right now I actually like it better than the original and Moondance, and that's saying a lot. |
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| "Hell, I even thought I was dead... |
[Nov. 26th, 2007|10:25 pm] |
turns out i was in Nebraska"
No, not really. Not sure if anyone will even bother keeping up with this, but I need to get back to writing and this looks like a good place to (re)start. |
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| Want to have some fun? |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|07:59 am] |
1) go to www.google.com
2) type "failure" in the search text box
3) click the "I'm feeling lucky" button
4) enjoy |
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| Kicking my ass |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|11:24 am] |
I got a cold on friday that's been kicking my ass ever since. Feel a tad better today, but that'll fade around 3ish. I haven't even had the desire or energy to concentrate on video games. Just laid around and watched tv. Which is something I generally don't enjoy.
I'm getting some support on my writing (of an emotional sort, not pecuniary). I might delve into some works that I've been avoiding because they've been a bit difficult to deal with. |
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| Throw me a friggin' bone here! |
[Nov. 16th, 2005|12:34 pm] |
Does anyone know a decent artist who does either sketches or black and white inks?
I'm looking to get a couple of pictures, one of crow in a totemic/platonic ideal form and one on Heimdall. Your assistance would be greatly appreciated. |
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| I know I'm not always rational. |
[Nov. 14th, 2005|11:54 am] |
I've figured, over the course of the last few years, that I'm an undying romantic and believe in love and happiness forever and ever, amen. And all that crap. What I just don't believe is that it's out there for me. I'm pretty sure that She is out there, but we'll never meet. For a number of reasons....she got into a bad relationship and is afraid to leave for what might be good, or she's someplace so completely remote from me we'll never meet, or she's scared and too worried of hurt to go out and get it...just like me.
So yes, lately I've been pondering that I'm going to die alone. It's not the first time it's come to me, and I'm beginning to think it's the truth. The thoughts and visions I have of it are too authentic to refute.
I know it's all very irrational and pessimistic, but it's my irrationality and pessimism, damnit. Leave it to me, it's all I have right now. I've stopped trying, only to find myself sucked back in by the thought tha tmaybe she's the one. Turns out to not be the truth...and I think these women are feeling from me that I'm romantic and resigned to my gloom, and using that to get the attention they want for a while, then passing over on me when they've gotten it and don't need it anymore.
I think I should stop pondering this. Puts me in a bad frame of mind.
I blame Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which I finally watched. That movie hurt me on a level that I didn't think I could be hurt upon. It was beautiful in it's sadness, but in the end, touched me someplace I'd rather not be.
I'm broke until thursday, so I don't even have the money to properly alcoholize myself out of this state. bleh. |
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| Things come in threes |
[Nov. 8th, 2005|03:19 pm] |
1) There's an advertisement in my office for "Freisian Horse" show.
2) I watched one of the Ginger Snaps movies last night. Was on tv or something.
3) I'm listening to A Perfect Circle on my iPod, which is on random shuffle.
I miss kait. And it's entirely possible I may never see her again either. :/
In good news: I got a cellphone, so I'm no longer in complete hermitude from the rest of the world.
The thing with the woman still hurts, mostly because she insists on us still doing stuff online together (games and such) and says she misses/will miss me when I'm away. Meh. |
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| the wonder of nature |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|02:14 pm] |
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Well, I just got to spend some time up from my desk watching a mated pair of blacktail deer that had wandered up to the edge of the parking lot here at work. There's nothing like a nice encounter with nature to break up the monotony of sub-urban american life. |
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| And so it goes... |
[Nov. 2nd, 2005|11:45 am] |
Work is going well, learning lots of stuff and it's beginning to all come together well. Still don't know many people here, which isn't surprising given the dynamics of an office and my generalized social anxiety. I'm sure it'll come.
I get paid friday, which is just barely in time. I'm almost out of food, haven't had cigarettes in a week, and haven't ventured out to a public place for any significant amount of time in weeks.
The woman I referred to previously insists on maintaining a close friendship and talking, which is awkward to say the least. I'm still not sure I believe what she tells me half the time...I've been given evidence by close friends that she lied to me...a lot. At any rate, I'm not able to play WoW for the week (account expired and I need to wait for payday to renew it) so I'm not having to deal with her. Which is probably good...need some seperation.
I'm planning on a bender this weekend. Probably going to drink too much and smoke too much. I figure I'm due. |
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| getting up at 6am bites my ass |
[Oct. 28th, 2005|11:20 am] |
I've been annoyingly tired and irritable because of it all week so far.
The new job is going well so far. Lots to learn, lots to remember, and not a whole lot of organization in the training process. It's mostly sitting with the trainer, watching what he's doing and listening to him. Hopefully I'll figure out all the procedures and whatnot on my own.
There's only one really cute girl worth ogling here in my office, but there's tons in the building. So I do have a variety of eye-candy to look at during the day. That's a positive I guess.
I'm flat ass broke, and wanting a pack of cigarettes badly, and a beer or two. meh. Next weekend I'm going on a bender after I get my first paycheck. Yay me. |
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| I got a job |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|10:48 am] |
I start tomorrow, it's rather exciting.
Good news: it pays well, has fully paid benefits, and is fulltime daytime job.
bad news: it's with a microsoft vendor, so I'm supporting the evil empire. oh well.
i also foundout that my divorce is fully finalized, with a decree and evrything. That's good, and now I feel that it's finally over and I've moved on. It makes me feel very good, seems all the pain from that situation is gone.
And starting next week, I shoudl actually have money. hooray. |
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| It's not me, apparently. |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|09:52 am] |
So the fallout of the woman cutting off the relationship that was going hot and heavy for a while continues. I'm hurt, angry, upset, and still want her.
What it amounted to is her grandmother is dying, she is with a shitty boyfriend she doesn't love adn who doesn't satisfy her in any way, and she feels trapped. So rather than have me distract her, because she can't run off anywhere because she's now the family matriarch, she's going to work on her life.
Which all sounds like a bunch of bs that amounts to "I'm more comfortable in my shitty situation and don't want to put the effort into something uncertain."
I don't have my power cable for my xbox because I left it at a friend's place. So in the meantime I haven't been able to watch movies or play xbox games. Which I've wanted to do this week. meh.
I didn't read gaiman. I read some tom clancy instead. I feel dirty and cheap. |
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| bah |
[Oct. 21st, 2005|08:01 am] |
the only thing on tv worth watching is 1) sportscenter or 2) a documentary on the history channel about cattle mutilations and ufos.
I'm sorry, I believe they're out there, but cattle mutilations is bullshit. I just can't do it. |
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| There will be no great love story writ of my life |
[Oct. 21st, 2005|07:54 am] |
Yeah, a girl that I sorta had something going with broke it off with me after a week of near silence. rl problems, wanting to work things out in her life rather than find a better situation with a better guy, blah blah.
Job interview yesterday went well. I should hear something back early next week. I'm going to be headed into a temp agency on monday to get something for the next week so I have some money.
I have $.50 to my name right now. I have food, but I'm out of smokes and I'm more than a little lonely. meh.
Hope everyone else is well. |
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| I'm not dead |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|05:59 pm] |
I've just been horribly depressed and withdrawn from everyone.
I'll be writing here more often, I guess. When I'm not looking for a job or feeling to shitty to even talk to people.
later. |
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| I sold out... |
[May. 18th, 2005|12:33 pm] |
I got a haircut. I'm now mr clean cut young american, or some shit like that.
sorry for the lack of updates, I've been lazy. |
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| Bah. |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|12:07 pm] |
I'm still having the problem where a woman will answer a personal ad, but I'll never hear from her again after sending a picture. Even if several emails seem to indicate a good connection or compatibility, just *poof* nothing.
It's not very good for my self image. |
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| Yeah |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|04:12 pm] |
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I started playing World of Warcraft, and have been totally sucked in. Having a hell of a lot of fun playing a rogue. Need to get myself the PA shirt that says "rogues do it from behind" for my geek self. Might get the "Aggro" one too. heh. |
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